The Sun Shines at UCLA Career Center

Alaleh?  are you available to sit on a panel at UCLA about careers in law? said the message in my Facebook inbox? Sanaz Nabati Career counselor at UCLA was contacting me to invite me to sit on a Panel at UCLA Career Center to discuss Law with prospective law students....

I was sitting in Court waiting for the Judge on a really messed up Murder case. And this message was like a piece of candy after a hard night of drinking... soothing for the soul and invigorating for the body.. I chuckled to myself. Have i ever met a microphone that i didn't like, i asked myself?? Of course i will talk to these students...

So, i show up, to look at a room full of UCLA students, shy, excited, ambitious, apprehensive and thirsty.... thirsty for knowledge, thirsty for answers. And i think to myself, OH MY GOD. they are so young!!!! Was i this young when i was in College? did i look this innocent? did i have this look of awe and thirst on my face when i was their age???

And as i canvass this room, i see this beautiful face sitting in the front row. She smiled like she had swallowed the sun. And, i know. i just know that i have seen this smile somewhere before.

We do what we are supposed to do... As a panel we discuss, we present and and we impart our vast knowledge of the law with these bright-eyed bushy-tailed young students. Sunshine sits in front of me, and every time i glance at her, she is looking at me, with her gorgeous smile... and drinking up the information, as if drinking from the fountain of youth.

The night winds itself down...and I'm surrounded by a half dozens students. They're asking questions.. they are each patiently waiting their turn, to tell their story, to ask their questions and ask if the law is for them.... And i look up and see Sunshine waiting patiently.

Finally, I make my way to Sunshine. And i say: "I know you. Where do i know you from?" And she responds: I saw you several years ago, at Nessah Temple. You were speaking about Juvenile crimes at Nessah Israel with Dr. Orly Saghian, Ph.D. And I didn't know if I wanted to go to Medical School or Law school. And that day, after you spoke to us, i made up my mind that i wanted to become an attorney. You inspired me to become an Attorney"

********

Do you know what it feels like to be washed over with emotions so strong that you feel like your knees are about to buckle? Do you know what it feels like when you are hit inside the pit of your stomach with the realization that you can make a difference in other people's lives without ever knowing or having intended to??

*******

I well up in tears. And all I can think is Oh, My, God! ... I am the luckiest woman on earth. I do what I love, I get paid for I love, and I inspire young women to follow my path. ... Can I get any luckier than this? can I be blessed any more?

I hug her. i am at a loss of words. Sunshine is truly sunshine. She radiates warmth and along with her warmth, she brings happiness.

You know who you are. Thank you for being you, for being there at Nessah, for being here tonight and for talking to me tonight. Wherever you go, may the road rise to greet you. May the Sun be behind you shining on you. And may you navigate life's vicissitudes with ease and wisdom.

Thank you for the gift you gave me tonight. I love you.

Alaleh Kamran

November 5, 2015

UCLA

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My Emotional reunion with me.

My Emotional reunion with me. 

       The veins on the back of my hands are pronounced. My skin bears lines of age... My wedding band, is tight on my once slim finger... My red manicure is meticulously clean. And am staring at the computer screen.

      I am back in Fresno, ... Well, actually Clovis!  Getting ready to go back to my 30th high school reunion. And all morning, as i was driving up to this small town, that is no longer small, I have been tripping back ...

     To those who came to the United States right after the Islamic Revolution of 1978, at the time of the Hostage crisis, my story will sound familiar... To those Iranians,... no, better yet, Eye-ranians, who ended up in the American smaller towns, my story will reverberate on a cellular level.

      I was the Unibrowed, Mustachoi'd, eye-ranian, camel jockey, sand-nigger, ... That's how some would call me. I had left Iran, exiled. I had left in fear of religious persecution.  Our home, our land, our properties, our house, our existence seized and forfeited.  Exiled from a land that had cradled my lineage for 2500 years.  

     Only to end up here, in the land of Freedom, socially ostracized. And since i had skipped a couple of grades, i was younger than most my classmates. Add to that, a Unibrow and mustachoi'd DNA and my strict parents who wouldn't allow me to wear make up to school.   Well, you get the idea. I remember walking on Campus one day, only to see the roof of the Cafeteria painted in Blue [the school colors, how spirited!] in huge block letters to read: "BOMB IRAN' .... and while i'd walk down the hallways, the kids would sing, "bomb bomb bomb, bomb, bomb Iran" , to the tune of the Beach Boys' Barbara Ann

     What i lacked for in beauty and grace, i made up for in ambition, brains, wit, and energy. I was socially awkward, shy, uncomfortable in my own skin, and unable to find a place for myself in my class... I was resolved not to back down. I decided that if i wasn't going to be the most popular, i was going to be the most successful.

     Oh, how life passes by quickly... Oh, how it all happened in the blink of an eye... Well, the ugly duckling didn't quite evolve into a fabulous White Swan... but, hey, i didn't turn out that bad either! ... And my dreams,.. oh, my dreams, and my amibtions! oh, how i fell short of my self-imposed mark. How, as i look back, i realize that i missed out on so many opportunities, and how, at so many critical cross roads, i made the wrongs choices.

     I had my eyes set on Washington D.C., on politics, on the House and on the Senate. I had dreams of the United Nations. I had dreams of negotiating treaties, and world issues such as Nuclear Proliferation, World Hunger and World peace... The fervor of my ambitions kept me up at night. The intensity of my passions, desires and ambitions made me well up in tears and cry when i'd sit down to write my 1 year, 3 year, 5 year and 10 year plans.

     Who would have ever thought i'd end up where i am today?  Not in my wildest dreams, did i ever think i'd be where i am today. If anyone told me that 30 years down the line, i'd be where i am today, i'd laugh and say: "FAIL"...

     As i am getting dressed for my reunion, I close my eyes and breathe in slowly, feeling the slightest movement of air within my lungs as my chest upheaves ... And so, i go back 30 years today. My memory is packed with thousands of fantabulous memories, and a billion plans still float around the inner sanctum that is within my head... My life has been a bright, colorful, exciting, interesting, satisfying, demanding, exhausting, difficult saga of personal risks, triumphs, successes and failures, of love and loss, of ups and downs, of laughters, tears & defeat.  And most importantly, of risks taken, mistakes made and success realized because i was so afraid of living with regrets and dying young, that i didn't back down from ANY opportunity often missing the real ones. Or did I?

    I go back 30 years today... not so much to meet my friends.. but in essence,  to meet my self. To drink and celebrate a life well lived, lines well worn, girth well earned, and pride well deserved. I am so very far from that Ugly Duckling... so very very very far from that insecure, scared, lonely, lost little girl. I am so proud of all the woman that i have become and i so relish the power of my womanhood and feminity in all my glory.


Alaleh Kamran

CDAK
June 22, 2012
Fresno
In Anticipation of attending my 30th High School Reunion. 

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The Life of a Criminal Defense Lawyer.

I have seen men of iron will collapse to their knees; 

I have seen women of steel fall apart like chalk.   

I have seen tears of blood, shattered hearts, broken lives, and lives cut short... i have seen it all... 

i have seen dead bodies on the ground because of drugs, guns or accidents... 

i have seen zombies, who were alive while their soul was dead...

My soul has lived a thousand lifetimes.. 

i have woken up drenched in sweat, my heart pounding, at times because i found a viable defense while i was sleeping... 

at times, because i was dreaming of the innocent teen-age client who is doing a triple life sentence on contaminated evidence. 

Mothers have entrusted me with their children. Others have said: "first god, then you"... Loved ones have sat in my office picking up pieces of their shattered lives...

Like Sisyphus, i have carried this stone up the mountain, to watch it roll down time and again. Like Alexander, i have faced the Gordian knot time and again... 

i have tried to bring light where there was nothing but darkness. There are times that i won, .. and so often, i have failed. In the process, i have been polished like a mirror, buffed by adversity.

All those who look at me watch with wonder and amazement... yet very few see the pain, and the awesome burden that is part of my daily routine... With every case, my soul is spliced. With every defeat, i am ripped apart... 

There is no victory that is sweet enough to wash down the bitterness of those cases that should have been won, and yet were lost because the government was corrupt, the cop dirty, or the judge biased.

Protect your liberties. Cherish your rights. Soon enough, there will be none left. 

My name is Alaleh Kamran.

  

I am a Criminal Defense Attorney.

I am Constitutional Defender.

I am a Citizen Journalist.

And this is my blog. Welcome to my world. 

CDAK

11/27/2012

Encino

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