Monday, October 20, 2014

The Chambers of my Heart

My pen has never been dryer than it is tonight despite the flow of the wine. 

The words balk at the paper. My thoughts rebel. I can't contain their movements. And like wild fire, the flickers reach to burn the dried out recesses of my being The embers explode in a luminous cadence and slowly descend to settle on thoughts and stories hiding in the folds of my soul.

My life is composed of rapidly moving snapshots of other peoples' lives clumsily choreographed in badly composed diorama sets … The dichotomies within which I move seamlessly leave me constantly mesmerized, perplexed, confused and often in pain by the inherent absurdity of life, the unfairness of destiny, and the incongruity of what we may otherwise believe to be Karma…

I stare at the coroner’s report describing the death of a 4 month old child due to a freak accident, SIDS maybe, a faulty heart maybe, ..who knows.. No one!! … All I know, is that I am the captain of this boat, of this destiny, of these folks, of this case. And that while their life hangs on the mighty fine balance of what we call the scales of justice, I know that “justice” will mean absolutely nothing, if I am not at my brightest, sharpest, smartest and bestest… This is my row to hoe. This is my field to plow, and my crop to harvest.

I move from the Coroner’s report, to re-assemble, re-construct, and re-plan a multi million dollar theft matter. Dead body on the ground suddenly vanishes from the brain. Focus is honed in, all wires tied up and circling around the papers and the trail of the money. At all times, guards are up, at all times, looking for the knife that is going to cut my jugular, and defeat me and sending my client to prison.

The sun sets. I am lost in the mountain of paper that has overtaken my desk. My role as an attorney is briefly paused so that I can morph back into being a mother, a wife, a regular human being with regular social duties. I gather my stuff, my keys to take me to my dearest ones, my briefcase to remind me of my never ending Sisyphean task and my make up bag, holding my treasured red lipstick that reminds me I am alive.

We are ushered into an enormous mansion. The fountain in the back yard flows 100 yards down the hill, and the property boundaries are vaster than my mind can stretch itself tonight. I am worn down and weary from the day’s work and yet, my lipstick gives me the power to smile and vests me with the smoothness that I need to slowly mingle with this crowd that wheels and deals with billions, and moves the economy of the land. The hostess’ diamond ring is as big as the heart of the 4 month old baby whose coroner report I was reading earlier this morning. And there is more money invested in the fountain flowing 100 yards down, that my all my clients have allegedly embezzled…

I am dizzy…. 4 chambers to my heart is not enough for me to compartmentalize all that I feel…

Alaleh Kamran, Attorney at Law
A Professional Corporation
15760 Ventura Blvd, Suite 1010
Encino, Ca  91436