The Color of My Black

Every once in a while, something stirs from deep within me... it manifests itself as a yearning somewhere near my heart... it has magic slippery tentacles that slowly but palpably expand and wrap their hungry grips around my heart, my stomach, my insides and as it grows it consumes my soul .... and i yield... all that i can do is yield. To take a step back, to sit, and to breathe ... to breathe deep. to close my eyes and listen to the beast within. 

Because words breathe and they're alive... because they are conceived in the deepest troves of my heart, and come to life with each heart beat, and gain strength and slowly move up to my lips as I slowly bat my eyes and try to maintain composure... Because words are born on my tongue and finally, they take flight as my tears irrigate my soul...

And so.. the stories write themselves...words one by one, slowly at first, and then with a rush, like a spring shower, ... 

"get in Girl,... we're rolling out to the scene". 

Handsome and gray, with his sharp blue LAPD uniform, pressed as if he was presenting himself to the US President... His shoes, recently waxed, buffed and shined, reflected the light of the overhead street lights... I, the young law clerk, barely 24 years old, with my coffee in my hands, and my note pad, eager to see, eager to learn, eager to meet the world, was hanging on to every word of this Sargent who was going to be my mentor for the next 12 hours.

"victim on the ground, single gun shot wound, paramedics on their way...." the voice from the black & white's radio updated us as we rolled out to the scene. 

A short ride later, in the Northeastern part of LA, we rolled out to a neighborhood i never knew existed. ...Yellow tape delineating the crime scene, people gathering all around, and the sound of clatter, crying sounds and noise associated with doom. 

"Get out of the car. Breathe slowly,... look, don't touch, and don't let it get inside your heart" He ordered me. A lesson that i have often forgotten over the years. The black of the criminal defense world, is blacker and darker than any other black one will ever see.

We slowly walked up. a bicycle on the ground... blood slowly running in a rivulet on the asphalt to the side of the street, ... looking up to see where the blood was coming from laid a yound man, on the ground, on his back, single gun shot to his forehead, at close proximity leaving a star shaped pattern, grey matter splattered all around. 

....................

The contents of my stomach crept up slowly to the edge of my throat, and i, lost in the acrimony of the moment, could not find any air to breathe... so i ended up swallowing the black that has forever placed itself inside of my soul....

Uncollected writing of CDAK. 

February 1, 2014

Alaleh Kamran, Attorney at Law

A Professional Corporation

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Destruction of Enemies is a good thing.

They never found the body... but the forensic evidence and the suspect's statements led the LAPD to believe that he had shot his brother and disposed of the body.

The cadaver dogs had positively reacted to the backyard... There were purchases made from Home Depot for all sorts of tools, including a shovel, an axe, 30 pounds of briquets, and a hammer.

The bottom lining of the living room couch was missing, there were human hair stuck in the nails at the bottom.

We stood in court, face to face, the prosecutor and I... she had charged my client with 1st degree murder, seeking a life sentence. The detectives standing behind her, holding the 2 volume murder book, spanning the 1.5 year murder investigation, looked at me with a poker face, trying to gauge my ability and fortitude...

....

In the process of defending the case, and defending my client's life, in the process of finding justice between a Murder and a Manslaughter, in the process of matching the facts and deleting the suppositions, the prosecutor and i tested each other's mettle. I took her to task. I challenged her theories, her suppositions, and she returned the favor.

.....

A few short years have passed since then. And Madame prosecutor, who took me to task, and whom i fought hard and long in that battle is now a Judge. I walked into her Court today... She saw me, she lit up, and she smiled. Her eyes sparkled. She got off the bench, hugged me and i hugged her back.

I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln's quote: Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"

Someday, before i am old and grey, before i have lost my wits to senility, i will write about this one case that cored my soul, hollowed me of breath, and hallowed my practice. But until that day comes, ... i am the luckiest girl who practices what she loves and her passion for her work has translated into a tale of 1001 stories that would put Sheherzad to shame.

On a glorious morning, ...

CDAK.

1/27/2014

Los Angeles

Lecturer, Radio Host, Citizen Journalist, Blogger

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In Commemoration of Yom Hashoah...

Vivaldi! Bach! Albinoni! Shubert! Barber! ... Where, where? The posters are all over Paris and the thought of listening to the Baroque masters in the heart of Paris tingles within me. The bombastic and yet all knowing Concierge at the Hotel Bel-Ami tells me: "Madame, c'est a la Saint Chapelle"....

OH MY GOD... The same Sainte Chapelle that we studied in school? the Crown Jewel of the French Gothic Era? Situated where else than in the Palais de Justice, where Justice a la Francaise has been meted out at this site since the medieval times.

The heat in Paris is stifling in the middle of July.  And yet, I will not pass up the opportunity to drink a glass of wine before going into the Concert.  We grab a table on the sidewalk of Brasserie Les Deux Palais, and with delicious anticipation of my baroque experience, I let the the wine seduce my taste buds.  

From the sixteenth century to the French Revolution, Le Palais De Justice was the seat of the Parlement de Paris. ... This is the courthouse, this is where I would have been practicing law, had I become an attorney in France rather the United States. This is where I would be going to Court on a daily basis, had the hands of fate landed me in Paris as opposed to Los Angeles

Marie Antoinette was kept and imprisoned here before her guillotinage.  Construction on this site begun sometime in the 13th Century, it survived the middle ages, the Renaissance, the French Revolution, etc...  ... I am excited.  The wine coursing its way in my veins, i can feel my body buzzing with anticipation. 

I walk my children in the hallways of the Palais De Justice, passing by the different offices that i would have walked by on a daily basis in Los Angeles.  The Court of Appeals, the Victims Rights office, The Restitution office, the Fines and Fees office.  I  am overwhelmed by the beauty of the architecture of the building... Of the history, of all the stories that it carries,  of all that my life could have been!

This is the country that gave us Jean Jacques Rousseau... "man was born free, but everywhere he is in chains"... and the naissance of the social contract, of the modern legal society.   My head spins... So many have died to be free... so many have fought to be free... so much historical weight in these hallways... and who am I? little nobody who wanted to changed the world and fell so short of the mark.

We walk into the breathtaking chapel with high vaulted ceilings.. The painted glass of the 13th century, the gilded wooden frames and high arches, the enamel... What can I say that hasn't already been said, other than its sheer magnificence brings me to my knees.

I have been lucky enough to score front row tickets. And the Quatuor Classik Ensemble start playing. As the bows plaintively cross the strings to draw the darkest moments of history from the notes, it occurs to me...

I am but a little freedom fighting girl, exiled from her own homeland, on account of being a Jew, living in a whole different part of the world, listening to Samuel Barber's Adagio and made timeless by Spielberg's Shindler's list celebrating one man's courage to fight evil by saving thousands of others, sitting where else but in the heart of Europe, where the French laid to the Nazis like butter does to bread.

and look...

Nationless... exiled... Rooted elsewhere.... and sprouted.

I am still standing... We are still standing.

and they are NOT.

My hands shake. I must have pushed the off button on the video, i realized much later. It is good to be free. It is good to have freedom... and it is a good fight, that which i fight...

Signing off
July 2013, Paris

CDAK.
Lecturer,
Radio Host,
Citizen Journalist, Blogger.

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The Sacred and the Profane

I am that which i seek...
I seek the sacred in the profane,
and the profane in the sacred...
I seek redemption in sin,
and love in treason
i follow no rules,
and once that becomes a rule
i turn around and abandon all things...
I hold the light in the dark...
& my abyss is hidden in light...
I defy all rules
i defy all boundaries
i create the rules,
i know no boundaries...
tell me what i am...
tell me who i am...
for i know not.
I seek what i am...
I am that which i seek.

CDAK.
Paris.
7/28/2013

Law Offices of Alaleh Kamran
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Encino, Ca 91436
818-986-6222


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Choices?

Last night I was feasting on duck quesadillas and Torro sushi in a 34 Million dollar mansion... 

This morning I was visiting a female inmate facing 25 years.
2 women, 2 diametrically opposed destinies and lives.

And me, lucky enough to be able to seamlessly travel between both worlds.

Why did one end up in the mansion while the other in the grey bar hotel? Surely it is not just what we do or do not do that determines our fate

The tragedy is not lost upon me, ... One woman was lucky enough to be loved, cared for, protected and adored .... 

While the other was beaten, abused, molested and neglected.

CDAK

10/08/2013

Encino

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Truths of the Criminal Justice System

22 years in the Criminal Justice world, i have learned: 

1) Not all guilty men are convicted, and not all innocent men walk.

2) Some of the real criminals are not the ones who are facing charges, but rather are sitting on the bench. 

3) Within each defendant, there is a Cop dying for a chance to prove himself.

4) Within each Cop, there is a criminal one step away from reality.

5) Cops are the greatest party animals. 

6) Drug addicts and Alcoholics are the sweetest and most misunderstood creatures on earth. 

7) The most hateful and judgmental people are religious people, often rationalizing their judgments on Religion & God.

8) There is a reason we have two words for Law and Justice. Because one is NOT the other. The merging of the two becomes EQUITY, and we dont have courts of Equity!

9) The more handsome or prettier the defendant, the better the justice they get.

10) A Black Man will never get the justice that a White Man gets. 

11) Black Jurors have more sympathy for the White defendants than White Jurors have for Black Defendants.

12) Justice CAN and IS bought on a daily basis.

Law School Graduation Speech 6/10/1991

I was given the very coveted honor of delivering my Law School graduation class' Commencement Speech. UWLA School of Law Class of 1991

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


I have dreamed of this moment since I was 12 years old.  The winds of revolution were blowing and with it, millions of Iranians took to the streets yelling freedom. 

It was an illusion.  It was a lie.  As I stepped into the airplane forever leaving my homeland, I saw the multitude of nameless faces with fists raised in the air, demanding, chanting freedom. 

I realized then, that liberty cannot be gained and sustained without law, order and justice.  I vowed to myself that the law would be my profession.

We stand before you today to accept the responsibility to uphold and honor the legacy that our forefathers left us in 1776.  What they fought and died for must be preserved. 

There are those among us who may become scholars, or judges, or teachers.  Some will defend, others will prosecute.  Some are motivated by  ambition, others by the pursuit of financial gains, and yet others seek intellectual challenges.  However, as divergent as our paths may become, the one thing we have in common is the like demand for freedom.  The right to breathe freely.

This is not only an ethical duty that we should assume.  We should never forget those who are not entitled to the inalienable rights that we enjoy. 

Those same liberties that are ours as a matter of right in this country, such as the freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and freedom of association; are considered crimes the penalties for which range from long prison terms to the death sentence in many other countries. 

We should not forget the plight of the Kurds, nor the Chinese students in Tiannenmen Square.  We should remain cognizant of the uprisings in the Baltic States, in Ethiopia and the Eastern Block countries.

You may ask why? Why should we worry about what happens to some desolate farmer in Iran? 

It is incumbent upon us to uphold the law and justice in this great land of ours.  So we may keep open our doors to those desolate souls that want to live and die free.  Only because these United States of America have stood for the beacon of light, the signal of hope and the symbol of liberty for those of us who were cruelly subjugated to oppression, tyranny and despotism.

The strength of a free society rests in how it deals with its weakest links.  I came seeking liberty and freedom. I have been  afforded the opportunity to become the provider. 

And as the purveyors of the law, we bear the obligation to fight for what is just and honorable, vigilant against intolerance and bigotry.

So we remain free to pray as we please and to vote as we please.  So we are tried before a just and fair tribunal, so we may have our voice heard, no matter how socially or financially insignificant we may be. 

I left what was my home, because my life as Jew was not safe.  This is now my home.  This is now my land.  I am so very proud to stand here today.  I am so very proud to accept this honor. 

June 10, 1991
UWLA, School of Law Graduation Speech
University of West LA, School of Law.

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Epilogue:  While i started out law school at McGeorge School of Law, i dropped out a month before the end of my 2nd year for Medical reasons.  I was told by Dean Gordon Schaber, upon my request for a leave of absence:  "Can't you read the writing on the wall?  Can't you see the law is NOT for you?  You'll never pass the Bar.  No one will ever give you a job.  You will never make it as an attorney"

Well, I went back to law school at UWLA, School of Law's evening program,  after Justice Bernard Jefferson convinced me that the legal field needed women like me.  He also helped me get a job at the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office as a full time certified law clerk. And the rest is history, or better yet, my story.

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