Montecito

You know how you float into an old un-inhabited house, lost in time, lost in history, off the maps, and you look at the furniture, the walls and the space around you and it seems as if time has stood still. And you slowly walk around and there are memories sitting on the furniture. And you know life is suspended here. You can feel the words, the conversations and the life that once was here and is no more.

I am there… I am here… in the middle of this living room with huge windows looking out to the green hills behind me rising up to the turquoise and kissing the sky with its pine needles… The expanse between me, the brush, the hills and the sky is enormous… I turn around in this room, this house… I know this place. I have been here before. My soul has been here. I don’t know when but I know I have felt this room. My breath catches. There is a part of me that’s twined to souls in this room. I don’t know who they are and where they are… but I know they are a part of me.

My breath… my breath is shallow. I am afraid to breathe any heavier or deeper or else I risk losing this imperceptible silky fine thread that connects me to here… My eye catches the silver reflections of the horizon dancing on the ocean laying bare out of the other window.. Eternity has been here and reaches to the end of the horizons…

I need to walk and move … my bare feet slide on the rustic hardwood floors, and the sound of laughter, the ecstasy of joy and the relentless pitter patter of children’s feet moves through me. And pain… tremendous pain… heartbreak, loss, sorrow… All I can do is to stop… stop.. stop! STOP. Close the eyes, move within myself to inside my core and feel the breath go in slowly, through the nose, to the lungs and the back of the lungs. Keep it there. Feel this, feel them… Talk to me.

I am floating between two worlds, between the here and there, between what is and is not. There is a parallel world that is moving within me and is running its roots around me, pulling me pulling pulling me ….

There are stories to be told. With the words lingering in the air and the memories sitting on the shelves, I am waiting for someone to listen to the stories, to tell me the tales, to listen to my words, to my breath. I am waiting for someone to recognize the warm embrace of the chocolate velvet couch in the corner of the musty room, waiting for someone to savor the words. This is home… and yet I have never been here. I am lost and yet I am home. I don’t know where this is, but I know this place… I know them, I know you… on a visceral level.

7/4/2015

Montecito.

Alaleh Kamran, Attorney at Law

A Professional Corporation
15760 Ventura Blvd, Suite 1010
Encino, Ca  91436
ph: 818-986-6222

Lecturer, Radio Host, Citizen Journalist, Blogger
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Los Angeles, Las Vegas

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My Frog is Back

Croak Croak Croak... it's has been many years since the sound of the croaking of the frogs had been absent from my yard. And tonight, the biggest baddest frog in the North American continent has graced me with his presence. He is croaking relentlessly... from the bottom of his throat. Calling out to all the frogs in the neighborhood.. And i do not hear a response. My frog is alone.

There was a time when all sorts of tiny frogs lived in my back yard, and brought much joy to my boys and their friends who screamed and shrieked in delight in search of these baby frogs... i believed then, as i do now, that frogs are the sign of love. I honestly believe if mother nature loves me, she will send me frogs. Frogs change, morph and mutate. They live in water and on land. To me frogs symbolize change, endurance, resilience and survival. And so, when they grace me with their presence, i believe that they bring change, endurance and resilience.

And then, one day, when there were several dozen frogs jumping around in the back yard, a murder of crows [yep, that's right.. a group of crows is called a murder] landed in the back yard while flying over head, and decimated the whole population of frogs.

All that was left was a frog-less yard. A sad sad garden with no frogs. ... For that, and many other reasons, my garden chose to forsake me. The flowers chose to shy away from their blooms... my newly planted shrubs retired away from the light and chose the earth as a better blanket. The yard was no longer a welcoming zen paradise for me, but a reminder of many huge failures, personal and otherwise.

And so he croaks loud and louder.. and as he croaks, i am all smiles. Change, Endurance and Resilience! ... we are all tested, one way or the other. We each travel life's journey solo with some heavy turns and set backs. And every once in a while, we fail. We get bloodied up. We bundle ourselves in a ball and cry until we no longer have tears to cry, and then we get up, shake the dirt off, and walk some more and greet the good, the fabulous and the excellent...

Because life, is after all, Change, Endurance and Resilience.... and now i know, patience too.

Signing off...

on a resilient night, with the awesomest smile on my face.

May 26, 2014

Encino.

CDAK.

Law Offices of Alaleh Kamran

15760 Ventura Blvd, Suite 1010

 Encino, Ca 91436

 818-986-6222

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