I have once again danced with a long sleepless night, watching the grey sky outside of my bedroom window... I guess the sun, too, doesn't feel like shining and like a disheveled mental patient needs to wrap itself in the comfort of blankets to find solace in the chaos of the Universe.
The rhythm of my slightly worn heels, clippitty clop against the sidewalk, as i try to organize my thoughts... my bland & monochromatic world today is slightly accented by the Purple Jacaranda trees... And like an old picture from the 1920's where everything is black & white, i am the sole moving object in this still picture.
The criminal justice courtroom is the amphitheater of life complete with tragedies, ironies, failures, success, salvation and redemption...
And, i ponder once again, my own existence, my own role, and the significance of my own color in this mosaic, on this day, in this courthouse...
Perhaps it is the sheer magnitude of the responsibility that rests on my shoulders. The recognition and the knowledge that somebody's freedom rests in my hands. That it is my job, my responsibility to secure my client's freedom and liberty.
There exists no greater violence on liberty than the taking of it... and like a soldier i march on to the battlefield, my closing argument in hand, pumped by adrenaline. One thing that i have learned over the course of practicing law in these halls of justice over the course of the last 25 years, is that there is NO Karma. But there IS balance in the Universe. The abundance that we share with others is that which nourishes us and the pain we inflict upon others is that which in time comes back to haunt us...
My legal arguments are ready…. My passion for my work is flowing like the Ganges …. My need to find absolution and harmony in a world that is sadly lacking in such empowers me more than my legal arguments. With any luck, I will find strength from within…with any luck, once again my desire for perfection, for lust of words, and most importantly, my yearning for yet another epiphany will endow me with the power of speech to deliver justice.
I am for now, a criminal defense attorney, a constitutional defender… that is until such time as I find my true identity.
Alaleh Kamran
Uncollected Writings.
April 30, 2015
Encino.
